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Today we went to Universal Studios Japan for the second time which is just a 45 minute drive away. They were having a Christmas spectacular event for the upcoming season. Today was 17 degrees Celsius and yet there were snowmen, decorative wreaths, one of Japan`s largest pagan fertility symbols with tinsel, fairy lights and bells, never ending carols about the non-existent one`s alleged greatness and the Sesame Street massive on a mission to convert the Buddhist nation to the fire and brimstone of the “advanced” West.

Even though I scorn I had a good time. Good enough to buy a years pass. I was excited anyway to be going to a theme park. But there are good and bad parts to the Universal Studios experience as I am sure those who have been to the mother ship in America will acknowledge. When I go to a theme park I want to be scared to the threshold of insanity on a rickety, rollercoaster that twists, soars and plunges through space and time. On the whole most of the events there are a sit back and watch and enjoy.

Exhibit A: the two to three hour queue to see lots of fibre glass ET`s on the ET ride, B: the Jurassic park ride which is eight minutes of slow river journey ending with a large fibre glass T-rex roaring and a short yet steep drop into water, C: the too numerous to mention mini musical medleys such as the Blues Brothers or D: the admittedly enjoyable Water World performance replete with flying biplanes and pyrotechnics.

The 3D rides are the best such as Terminator and Shrek. Ever heard Shrek in Japanese? I have. But German suits him best. The one ride which is truly great is the 4D Spiderman ride in which you are in a futuristic vehicle which is hijacked by every known villain in the Spiderman world and which includes a seemingly 100 feet fall from the top of a skyscraper. Excellent.

As I said I had a good time and will go again. However it is interesting to see all this Western hocus pocus and tradition heaped on all these Japanese, Chinese and Koreans and how they assimilate and deal with it. Mostly by purchasing every single overpriced product the park has to offer.

Japan in particular has a long history of successfully integrating ways of life, products and beliefs such as Buddhism from India and China, Tempura from Portugal and Kanji from China and I am interested to see how they have and will do the same with the relentless onslaught of Christmas from the West.

By the way if I have met you face to face and we have shared moments however fleeting, schools, colleges, universities, employments or even bodily fluids and you haven`t written to me or left a comment here. I am taking it as a personal insult against me.

Rectify this issue!

Thank you,

Simon

This is yet another article from the Japan Times. This one is from my favourite section which is a weekly article about culture in Japan. I have taken many excerpts from this column alone over the last few months.

Food in Japan is treated very highly. On television if there isn`t a programme about golf on (There was once golf on three channels at the same time), there will be one about cooking (There will be one of these on every other channel.) They range from a restaurant`s chef showing what he cooks and how he cooks it to a how-to-cook goats scrotum Ainsley Harriot style or a light relief programme such guess what dish cooked by experts your opponent doesn`t like. There will be a panel of D-list celebrities who are usually comedians and whatever the chef lifts out of the pan be it cooked fish, grilled beef or the afore mentioned curried goats scrotum they will all yell furiously in unison Oishee which means delicious.

When I first came to Japan and had difficulty with some of the more unusual delicacies such as raw squid, which is actually truly delicious when you are accustomed to it, seaweed slime or natto I used to think that it didn`t matter if the meal was tasty or not. At the start of my sejourn it was often not the case due to my limited English palate but the rest of the party would be experiencing orgasms of delight via their tongues and practically have to gasp and squeal out Oishee. As I got more accustomed to the food I would say Oishikata afterwards and meant it (I enjoyed that meal) and would be puzzled when the response was, “Really? That seaweed was a bit slimy or the sticky sauce too sticky.” I just don`t get it.

Natto

I still find it difficult to tell if it`s nice or if I am being toyed with but when in doubt just say Oishee and see what happens. I have eaten and enjoyed some dishes which I would never have attempted for fear of long term illness in England. Squid, eel, octopus, whale (heavenly), seaweed, natto, rice mixed with raw egg, raw beef and raw chicken have all passed through my system with minimal and often positive effect and I urge you to try them as well if you ever have the fortunate opportunity. In the meantime just read the article.

Recent adventures include not being paid by amateur company I work for. I think it was my error that I gave them the wrong details. They didn`t tell me until four days later when I noticed there was no money in the account.

“Excuse me there is no money in my account. Where is my salary?”
“Yes, we couldn`t pay to it. Have you closed your account?”
“No. I once worked in a bank. I am able to recognise account no.s which are open. Why didn`t you tell me this when the money came back?”
“Yes, so if you give us correct number, we will try again. Thank you”

So I did and they did. I`m just angry they didn`t tell me earlier. As I wrote earlier the fact that I was getting money made me spend loads. Is this amateurish behaviour normal for the Japanese I wonder to myself?

Most of the characteristics of this company are amateurish. The interview was held in their office which although in the well named Asia Trade Centre (next to the (Osakan) World Trade Centre) was a small room with two tables, a computer and a phone and the induction was a nervous and stilted performance until they unveiled ze German Arnie lookalike Instruktor. On the good side they pay well, the coordinators who help you get to the 90 schools in the area are well trained, experienced and helpful although some of their English skills are limited.

I have seen some other jobs in the local adverts which are close to where I live, well paid and which I could excel at so if all goes wrong or the company`s contract with the board of education is not renewed in January which it might not be, I will have options. Do you care? Hmmn.

I`m turning into an old man. I have started taking afternoon naps. Not by choice I hasten to add. It`s just that I get home from work early and sit down to watch some sumo in the kotatsu. I drink some of that well known anaesthetic we call coffee and five minutes later I`m slipping under. Maybe it`s the sumo. But I enjoy watching large men grapple. Did I really just write that? The plus side was that I was so far under I missed the monster`s barks and whines for walkies.. This has happened two or three times in the last week. Of course I can`t remember precisely how many times as my memory is repeatedly failing me as well recently. It could well be everyday. Who am I again? I better book my stay in the retirement home before I forget or fall asleep.

Today I worked an extra day which I wasn`t expecting yet very happy for. Japanese schools finish at lunch time on Wednesdays and as I get paid by the day and not the hour I get paid the same as a full day. In the afternoon I met up with Reiko for lunch in Namba at 2 and then waited for five hours doing nothing but random walking on my own for her to finish. Doesn`t seem logical but there you are.

On Sunday we went to Namba again after waking up in the early afternoon after long walking session from station, hangover, five in the morning dog walk and subsequent recollapse into bed. Incidentally the mutt has recently been given a soft (but not soft enough) mouth guard to shut it up in the morning (insert evil laugh here.)

We were on a shopping mission. We went to Americamura in Osaka city centre which is a haven of cheap and trendy shops where the Osakan youth like to buy things and hang out. There is a replica Statue of Liberty high up on one of the buildings in the central area. We went into shop after shop in this area which were selling amazing items for 400 yen or two quid like belts, hats T-shirts and bags. We bought loads. It is a true technicolour area with people walking around in odd assortments of clothes and mostly managing to get away with them.

We ate in an amazing French-cum-Japanese restaurant which cost us about six quid each and sung karaoke in a private room with the free (and almost compulsory) alcoholic teas included for an hour and a half and just over a fiver for the both of us. A quick stop at the Apple store to salivate over the I-pods and then more shopping. We got back late and collapsed into a deep stupor.

On Saturday the local university was having a fundraiser and so we went there with Maki and her two babies. It was a lot of fun with many stalls selling Japanese food and people trying to get you to part with your money. There was a free tumbola thing which gave prizes depending on the colour of the ball you pulled out. A white one was the predominant one which got you something small like a notepad or box of sweets. I got a blue one. In fact I got two blue ones. The prize was an envelope with something important looking in. We got excited but in fact it was half price hotel vouchers. Not bad, but not only was the hotel in Yokohama (bloody miles away) but the price was 30,000 yen or 150 quid normally. I felt let down and so we exchanged them for the notepad at the end. I love notepads [sad git] Later on there was another prize giveaway by throwing a shuttlecock onto numbers for scores. I cunningly aimed for high scores to get the flowers and got the scores and then we found out that nought(?) to 29 points got you the flowers. I didn`t realise that. I
got 30 and got a pretty useless bag of flyers for upcoming events. Maki`s baby Ryoma
gave it a go and naturally got nothing and so conversely won the flowers. I was beaten by a two year old. It makes no sense.

There was also a flea market going on where the students were selling clothes like Levis and baseball caps and jumpers all for around 200 yen or one pound. I having been only recently paid and in need of clothes pretty much cleaned them out. I bought about twenty items which came to about 20 quid. I bought hats, jeans, t-shirts and thick jumpers with nonsensical english on them. At a flea market you are supposed to barter. They would say 1000 yen and I would say alright and then Reiko would shout out no no no and babble away in Japanese and haggle right down. I am not skilled in this area. Thank you Reiko. I listened and half understood people haggling next to me. Yet when we got back home we found out the jeans were about two inches too short.

To celebrate being paid, we went to Namba in the evening for the first time in a long time and drunk chateau de something wine in a bar. Yes. We got back at about two in the morning. It`s the first time I think since I came to Japan that we have gone out and got drunk. It`s a half an hour train journey into the city centre with another half an hour walk home thanks to no car, expensive taxis and a lack of incoming money for four months. I kind of miss not living in the centre of a town or city like in England and going out drinking but it`s something I can live with. Japan is great.

Take a look at this link to see a Sony mobile phone from 1993 and other retro classics. Some excellent pictures

Today did not go so well. The kids didn`t want to learn, they got noisy, I got agitated and spoke quickly, they couldn`t understand me and got bored and back round again. I am working an extra day tomorrow and have spent the evening sticking flags to cardboard with cheap glue to cut out for a puzzle. The large quantities needed mean that the card has started to bend. I`m not finished yet so this could all go horribly wrong. Reiko got paid today and I`m looking forward to help to burn some of that money. Yes.