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Fried noodles, miso ramen, mapo tofu, fried chicken and gyoza (dumplings)

My newly created, “You are what you eat” feature is only 10 entries long and already I have detected spinoffs and clones. Exhibit A is Eventual Restaurant

This is copied from that blog entry 5th January

In an effort to acquaint everybody with our menu I am going to start a new posting segment called “What I ate today”

On days when I do not work, or do not eat, I won’t post because I am sure Corn Flakes and Campbells Soup are not what you want to hear about.

So, Ladies and Gentlemen….

I bring you “What I ate Today”

Eh? Excuse me? Should I be angry or humble that my bold foray into cuisine photoblogging has been so mercilessly copied?

Reiko left for Tokyo this morning for an entrance exam for a job she applied for in the Japan Times newspaper. Living in Osaka as we do, this means a 30,000 yen, 150 quid trip on the shinkansen. Good luck Reiko!

It`s not fair! I want to go to Tokyo. Reiko said everywhere is like Osaka city centre even when you`re miles outside of it the same can`t be said of Osaka. Of course I`m a very big fan of Osaka, home to Takoyaki and incidentally the most expensive train line in Japan (which I cunningly enough live on. Zanen.) but I want to go to Tokyo.

Most of the blogs in Japan are written by people living in Tokyo. Here is a good one Tokyo Times For Osaka there is a hilarious one Englishman in Osaka but he hasn`t written anything for a long time. Maybe he`s left. In the Japan blogging community, sites such as my own (newcomer English teacher to Japan writes about teaching, Pocky and vending machines) are looked down upon. Take it from me, mine is in the upper echelons of these (of course!) There are some incredibly good photoblogging ones with unusual views of Japan that differ from Geisha, bonsai and pictures of food I`ve eaten. Click on the Japan webring on the bottom left to be taken to many blogs in Japan (ie. Tokyo)

I am a big fan of the Kansai region with many large cities packed closely together such as Kobe (which recognises the ten year anniversary of the magnitude 7.3 Great Hanshin Earthquake killing 6,433 and injuring 43,000 others on Monday.) There is also Kyoto which is home to too many temples and also Nara which houses the site of the largest buddha I have ever seen. These diverse cities are all within easy access of each other but I want to go to Tokyo! Help Me!

Promet the robot puts best metal foot forward to preserve ancient dance - Yahoo! UK & Ireland News

I saw this on the news the other day and couldn`t believe my eyes. A robot was dancing a traditional Japanese dance and along with two geisha. I also saw another smaller robot copying sumo moves. Click on the link below for some videos of other things it can do (like DIY!?)

Videos of HRP-2

So I`m properly back at work now doing my main job as Assistant language teacher at the random school most days. I worked a bit this year before singing songs about Daddy on the 6th but the work which restarted yesterday is my bread and butter income. I have been jumping around playing Simon says for Directions and asking thousands of kids what time I have decided it is in my devious little mind.

For a change I also worked in the preschool English school again. They must be desperate. Instead of daddies it was mummys or should I say mommies. The lady gives me thirty minutes to read and prepare two lessons plans she has drawn up and then I am launched into the lesson. A bear was almost decapitated and much crying ensued which wasn`t resolved even by a game of janken. The class didn`t go well.

In the second class, I was specifically told to pronounce o in the American way as ar or carfee for coffee. Hold on I thought. They`re learning English aren`t they? I`m from England aren`t I? Why should I have to bow down to kneel before the American corrupton of my language?

I realise the main reason I can speak to toilet cleaners, roadsweepers and two year old children in my native language even when I am on the other side of the world is due to American culture and films but we English got there first. The sun never set on the British Empire. We even controlled America, most of Africa and had colonies in every other continent and I`m being told to speak American?

Before I get angry Americans commenting on my blogs with “4th July Mo fo! USA USA! and “Screw you you yellow toothed limey @*@[(%!” and realise I have alienated yet another continent from reading my blog let me say I have nothing against you personally. The Australians can spell and use English words like colour, autumn and mummy correctly and they`re all descended from British convicts. (There goes another continent.) Why can`t you when you`re descended from British explorers?

15th Jan Comment/UPDATE!: After having reread this I realise I am not angry with America or Americans. What made me angry was the woman specifically telling me to pronounce Coffee as carfee.

GO USA!?

Chinese sweet and sour chicken with spicy tofu and rice, corn soup and delicious polay tea

Squid okonomiyaki (like a pancake) with sauce and fish flakes. Oishee!

Japan needs to sort out its winter heating priorities. First let me state that Japan (or at least Osaka) is not a cold country/city. The temperature has averaged around 8 degrees this winter season and although we had snow on the last day of the year, this was a freak occurence rather than an expected event. It is far warmer than England with it`s Northerly winds and now where near as cold as I would imagine Canada or Sweden to be. Grovelling note: Please let me say that I am grateful for the family for taking me in and I am willing to make any sacrifice regarding heat to continue enjoying being a part of this household in the future. However.

Living in the family house is like living in a Snow Fortress of the Evil Ice Queen of the North. I admit I was writing what seems like only weeks ago how I would take up to three cold showers a day to cope with the 37 degree humid heat and I didn`t wear a coat (or trousers) for three months solid. How quickly the tide turns.

Japan as a whole accepts their choice of provision of only cold running water in baths and sinks in bathrooms, toilets and restaurants. They`re not destitute and unable to pay for heated water, they choose not to have centrally heated houses. I missed the boat on that one.

“Yeah Simon. Us Japanese all decided to only have a single table heater in the centre of one room leaving all other rooms unheated whilst you were enjoying the warm running water in the bathroom. Unanimous decision Simon. You see we`re all crazy. You not coming on the boat? You not coming on the crazy boat?”

I watched “One flew over the Cuckoo`s Nest” last night in the bedroom and ice vapour was created each time I exhaled. I have had a cold for the last three weeks straight and my fingers are stiffening up with cold now as I type. It`s the way the houses are designed to be cool for the stifling summers as it`s still warmer outside now than in England where they are able to heat the houses.

This may be one of my last posts as when Reiko reads this I may not be welcome in the household anymore. Let me say this is mostly tongue in cheek before I am ejected with cries of, “If that`s how you feel move back to your own country then you ungrateful @*[*%.” Let me just say that I can accept these interesting quirks of culture and will deal with it. Certain countries just do certain things better than others. Japan`s cuisine far outshines its lacklustre counterparts in England and I am wiling to brave the cold and barren summer to continue eating it. The British on the other hand know how to heat houses.

For those who think I`m cheap and only eat noodles I present you with Specimen A above eaten in a German restaurant on Sunday. Deer and rice (and later added roast pork unable to be eaten by the family)

Incidentally I was back to ramen noodles tonight. Maybe I am cheap. Maybe I just like noodles…

This is a whiny post. Apologies. I was expecting a call yesterday that was telling me I was accepted for a new job. I applied for teaching school children in early evening at an English schoolbut it never came. They told me cunningly enough that if they didn`t phone I didn`t get the job. I didn`t get the job.

It hammers home how fragile my position here in Japan is. My visa is valid only for a year up to this June and if I can`t get a job and then get them to sponsor my visa, I will have to go back to England (or get married.) Has anyone reading done this? I really love living in Japan.

I am sure I only got the job I`m in now (and ends in March) as I was the only one who applied. I did okay in my interview until they asked me on the spot to produce a lesson plan for Animals. I fumbled and scrambled around and feared the worst. Of course I didn`t realise how desperate they were. Never overestimate the employer`s position.

In the meantime I am drinking lots of excellent Japanese beer (Magnum Super Dry (cheaper than Asahi), surfing blogs and learning Japanese a distant third. I can now write about 80 per cent of the hiragana characters with RA RI RU RE and RO learnt today and I impressed Reiko by writing her name out in Hiragana. Suave. I however know little vocabulary save for vocab related to food which (thanks to the Japanese obsession with eating) I understand in abundance. I`m not sure if they have New Year`s Resolutions in Japan but I have two. Get another job and spend more time learning Japanese.