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Hi,

Thanks for following me over those who made it. In answer to some of your questions:

I decided to have my hosting with Godaddy.com thanks to a post at lifehacker. Registering the name cost me a mere $2.24 and the hosting is $3.56 a month. It`s cheap and I like it.

Importing the posts from your old blog is done for you at the click of a couple of buttons with this platform - another example of how much more powerful it is. (and best of all it`s free.) You can`t export Haloscan comments unless you have a paid account. But then it`s pretty straightforward.

A lot of the other malarkey that was on the old blog will be put here. The random pictures are up although messing with the formatting. I`m having more fun stabbing myself in the arms with the different approach Blogger and Wordpress take to the setup.

Therefore if the blog changes rapidly and bizarrely, don`t be alarmed. If it does go bad and you know how to fix it, please comment or email me. If you have anything else you`d like to see here, please tell me too. Cheers.

Did you make it ok?

The other day I did an adjective lesson at a school I teach at. It`s great because I just reinforce the social hierarchy of the class. The seven adjectives studied are tall, short, big, small, strong, young and old.

The question my company wants us to teach here is, “Who is ____?”or, “Who has _____?”

Who is big?
Who is small?
Who has big hands?

As you can imagine, the small kids aren`t exactly ecstatic about being the smallest, neither the young kids the youngest. We did a “Who is strong?” question where each team nominated somebody to do an arm wrestling contest.

Interestingly a white face is something to be proud of in Japan what with the need to wear a t-shirt for 8 months of the year and the tendency to have a scorched face after a couple of minutes out in the August sun. A fat kid with a white shirt on won that event. What I`d call outside help if nothing else.

Tags: Japan, Osaka, Asia, Quaisi, Kansai, Expat, English, Teaching

As well as learning things about Japanese, I`ve also learned things about North Americans as well. If an American asks you where his North American sounding friend comes from, don`t answer American. You will be wrong.

Along with this pearl of wisdom may I direct you to The fat kid and the sport`s question?

Tags: Japan, Osaka, Asia, Quaisi, Kansai, Expat, English

Meet my students. Meet Keita. A nice lad of 13. He likes playing baseball and dislikes English yet his parents send him to an evening school for two hours of lessons a week. Ask him a question, hell ask anyone under 17 a question and they`ll answer, “So so”

-How are you?
-So so.

-Do you like baseball?
-So so.

-How old are you?
-So so.

The only time he won`t say so so is when he doesn`t understand what you`ve asked him whereupon instead of asking for help he will sit there in silence inwardly struggling with fear until you rephrase the question or ask a new one which necessitates a so so answer.

Meet my Friday and Wednesday class. In these classes there is a Junya, a Shunya, a Shinpei, a Takanori, a Tomoki and a Teruyuki. I often (justifiably) mix up their names and when they laugh at me I crush their faces.

Meet Seina. She is 11 but thanks to her pushy parents can easily complete listening tests designed for High School students. If you ask her a question however she`ll answer monosyllabically, not at all or worse -So so.

Meet Yuki. She is 20 and speaks English quite well (as do most Japanese under the age of 30.) She has a irritating habit of saying -Mayb instead of -Maybe even when repeatedly corrected. This frustrates me.

Meet Nao. She is seven and a joy to teach. When she is not trying to kancho me.

Tags: Japan, Osaka, Asia, Quaisi, Kansai, Expat, English, ESL, Teaching, TEFL, Kancho

I was on the bus in Osaka but only had a 10,000 yen note for a 200 yen fare. I showed the bus driver the note and apologized but he wouldn`t accept it. I showed him I only had around 80 yen in small change and he told me to chuck it in.

I guess this was only to appease a clueless foreigner but what if it wasn`t? What if the bus runs on a faith-based payment system? And what if the entire Japanese system runs on a faith-based system?

The possibilities are endless.

Tags: Japan, Osaka, Asia, Quaisi, Kansai, Expat, English

This was spotted at a park near our house. It`s about a traditional Japanese children`s story called Kachi-kachi yama

From the linked article:

The title of the story comes from the especially painful trick that the rabbit played. The tanuki was carrying a heavy load of kindling on his back to make a campfire for the night. He was so burdened that he did not immediately notice when the rabbit set fire to the kindling. Soon, the crackling sound reached his ears.

“What is that sound?” the tanuki asked.

“It is Kachi-Kachi Yama” the rabbit replied. “We are not far from it, so it is no surprise that you can hear it!”

Eventually, the fire reached the tanuki’s back, burning him badly, but without killing him.

In England we have spaced-out Teletubbies, in Japan they have pyromaniacal rabbits.

Tags: Japan, Osaka, Asia, Quaisi, Kansai, Expat, English, Japanese, Fairytale, Kachi-kachi yama

I`ve been writing about what a bad week I`ve had so far but it hasn`t all been bad. The kid has started kicking inside Reiko. There`s some strong kicks he`s been letting loose which have brightened up our evenings considerably. And then there`s the advert for the intriguingly named Cafe Doggie Kiss I spotted on the bus.

So the world isn`t all bad I guess.

Tags: Japan, Osaka, Asia, Quaisi, Kansai, Expat, English, Cafe, Dog

I`m coming to the end of my present contract with my company which is good as it`s starting to get a bit tiring. Travelling all over Osaka, teaching the same lessons over and over again to the same shitty little kids is wearing me down. They`re all a cocktail of end of year superiority mixed with pre-teen angst yet still immature enough to find “pen” amusing as it sounds like their idea of what penis sounds like “PEN IS, PEN IS” they giggle at me even when I tell them I`m unsure of what they`re on about.

They also mock my Japanese accent. I`m not so good with accents. My German one sounds half Russian and my French accent is atrocious. “Simon can speak English well can`t he.” they tell me in Japanese whereupon I grab their scrawny necks with my hand and thrust them face first into the wall until I hear their spines snap. “Better than your shitty English!” I reply safe in the knowledge I`d saved them from a lifetime working in the toilets of “alternative” nightclubs.

Of course I suffer from a lack of skills meaning my advert for positions wanted looks something like this.

UNTRAINED GAIJIN SEEKS HIGH PAID, SIMPLE POSITION. SHORT WORKING HOURS AND MINIMAL TRAVELLING PREFERRED.

“So repeat after me children. This is a pen.”

Tags: Japan, Osaka, Asia, Quaisi, Kansai, Expat, English, ESL, Teaching

Recently I`ve started to actively pick fights with Japanese people which is something against my usual nature. I`m not sure if this is due to the length of time crammed up into trains, big city life or discontent with Japanese life in general (or recently having my trousers pulled down).

Yesterday a middle aged woman dropped a sweet wrapper on the floor so I shouted at her in English to pick it up. She ignored me so I stared at her as menacingly as I could and she looked away. My menacing frown is coming on a bit due to the practice.

Today a demented cyclist swerved around me almost causing me to fall over so I shouted, “What the hell do you think you`re doing?” which caused a couple of pedestrians walking near me to quicken their step away from me if nothing else.

I am however wary of picking fights with the Japanese. Apart from a secret fear they might be fully trained in several martial arts, I was once in the centre of Osaka in the daytime when two midget salarymen were fighting each other. One had a prety mean headbutt attack he pulled off though their other attacks weren`t as lethal. After a few more blows they picked up their scattered briefcases and walked away. I think it`s Japanese (salaryman) life.

Tags: Japan, Osaka, Asia, Quaisi, Kansai, Expat, English, Fight, Salaryman, Midget