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So I`m properly back at work now doing my main job as Assistant language teacher at the random school most days. I worked a bit this year before singing songs about Daddy on the 6th but the work which restarted yesterday is my bread and butter income. I have been jumping around playing Simon says for Directions and asking thousands of kids what time I have decided it is in my devious little mind.

For a change I also worked in the preschool English school again. They must be desperate. Instead of daddies it was mummys or should I say mommies. The lady gives me thirty minutes to read and prepare two lessons plans she has drawn up and then I am launched into the lesson. A bear was almost decapitated and much crying ensued which wasn`t resolved even by a game of janken. The class didn`t go well.

In the second class, I was specifically told to pronounce o in the American way as ar or carfee for coffee. Hold on I thought. They`re learning English aren`t they? I`m from England aren`t I? Why should I have to bow down to kneel before the American corrupton of my language?

I realise the main reason I can speak to toilet cleaners, roadsweepers and two year old children in my native language even when I am on the other side of the world is due to American culture and films but we English got there first. The sun never set on the British Empire. We even controlled America, most of Africa and had colonies in every other continent and I`m being told to speak American?

Before I get angry Americans commenting on my blogs with “4th July Mo fo! USA USA! and “Screw you you yellow toothed limey @*@[(%!” and realise I have alienated yet another continent from reading my blog let me say I have nothing against you personally. The Australians can spell and use English words like colour, autumn and mummy correctly and they`re all descended from British convicts. (There goes another continent.) Why can`t you when you`re descended from British explorers?

15th Jan Comment/UPDATE!: After having reread this I realise I am not angry with America or Americans. What made me angry was the woman specifically telling me to pronounce Coffee as carfee.

GO USA!?