Being a father
January 29th, 2007 by quaisiIf you're new here, you may want to subscribe to my RSS feed. Thanks for visiting!
What’s it like being a dad? The main thing I notice apart from there being a beautiful female mini version of myself is the lack of free time to do anything I want to do.
I enjoy reading and when the mood hits me I can read a couple of books a week using every free moment I have to do so. Nowadays my reading time is limited to when I’m on a train to work or after Belle has gone to bed. I rarely watch movies at home or have the extended Western internet time I crave in a life immersed in Japanese.
I come home from a gruelling day teaching whining kids to a crying baby and I’ll sigh. I’ll admit it.
There are many things vying for my attention. The gaping time-wasting rabbit trail of the internet, my other new baby the Macbook I bought myself for Christmas or Reiko. The internet usually wins.
My schedule is still pretty unfriendly towards family life. I work two evenings a week and leave the house those days at 7:00am.
Reiko is of course magnificent. Sacrificing everything with no complaints, breastfeeding at godforsaken hours of the night and being the model housewife.
But then I’m watching a stunning baby grow up and it’s amazing. She’s hit 7 months. She’s on solids and likes sucking on a banana or strawberry. She also likes pumpkins and liver. Her favourite hobbies are inserting things into her mouth and staring at people. And I think she’s beautiful.
I don’t regret being father at all although I sometimes yearn for the freedom and peace of last year. This isn’t a very easy post for me to write - I’m a crap father. Some nice comments would be cool.
January 30th, 2007 at 2:49 am
As I read your post, I was thinking “screw the internet man!” but of course I’m guilty of the very same thing. Your baby is beautiful. Perhaps your post will make me think twice about choosing the net over my wife in future.
January 30th, 2007 at 3:07 am
Hey, don’t beat yourself up too much. At least your very beautiful daughter is starting to do more now so maybe fatherhood will become much more rewarding?
January 30th, 2007 at 3:13 am
Why do you call yourself a crap father? I don’t see that at all. You work very hard all day and you spend time with your family when you get home. You appreciate your wife, you love your daugther. By my score you’re a great father.
January 30th, 2007 at 4:01 am
A quick cautionary tale: http://www.joystiq.com/2007/01/28/tyra-banks-downs-level-60-baby-neglecter/
That said, hang in there. Here are a couple interesting sites which often talk about gaijin raising children in Japan:
http://www.herroflomjapan.com/
http://www.peterpayne.net/
January 30th, 2007 at 7:42 am
Pretty much every father I’ve ever met has had those feelings. Having kids radically changes your life! There’s no way you’d magically adjust to that…it takes time. Possibly the rest of your life :>
You’ve got it right. You just have to keep at it, enjoy things whenever you can, and deal with the rest. Being a parent is hard, but it’s infinitely rewarding, too. Like any other relationship, it just takes work
(Disclosure: I am not a parent…though I would be if I could)
January 30th, 2007 at 1:22 pm
Raising children is one of the most difficult things that you will do in your life - not physically, of course, but mentally. Priorities, priorities! It’s understandable that you want to be there for your daughter, and naturally, you should try your very hardest to be a part of her life. It sounds nice to say, but is hard to do. My father always tried to be an active part of my life, even when my parents separated and there was a lot of tension in the family. He didn’t always do very well, but fathers are always learning! He always told me, “You only get to be a parent once.”
Becoming a father, like Heather said, does change you. My father was a radical man, rampant partier, but he certainly isn’t like that now. It just takes a kind of “transition time” to get used to it. Every dad adjusts in time. The key is not losing sight of the big picture, and just plain doing your best. No one is putting you down, because many understand what you’re going through. Be a proud parent!
January 30th, 2007 at 1:24 pm
It’s all worth it. Priorities naturally get reset. When she’s left home for university and you’re in a quiet, eerily quiet house, you’ll yearn for her.
Meanwhile, enjoy. Oh, and please make special efforts to make your wife feel beautiful. It’s easy to imagine she’s having similar thoughts. Best wishes to you all.
January 30th, 2007 at 11:27 pm
If you posted everyday like I selfishly want you to, you’d probably be a bad dad. I’m sure you’re doing a great job. stick in boy - I envy you.
January 31st, 2007 at 10:08 pm
Thank you all for the kind words.
February 1st, 2007 at 5:39 pm
Only the cutest baby EVER!!!
February 3rd, 2007 at 1:01 am
Just seeing that you notice your wife’s actions and your daughter’s beauty, and that you spend a lot of time with them (*and* still have some internet time to yourself), I think you’re a great example for many of us. I’m not a dad, but once I become one, I think I’ll take your advice and example. Don’t be too hard on yourself, you’re really good.
February 10th, 2007 at 5:26 am
Beautiful baby.
My son is alot like me and looks alot like my wife. Half-caucasian and Half-Korean. He just turned 14 months today. I’m always on the the lookout for future girlfriends for my son! JK.
Seriously, as a formerly avid gamer, being a new father cuts into your time to goof off. My solution as a gamer was to buy a Nintendo DS. I can play it anywhere and its great to take it out and play as soon as the little one goes to sleep.
And once they start walking you better watch out!
February 11th, 2007 at 6:47 pm
It looks to me like many of us “new” fathers are in the same boat. I just had a son and I often times feel the same way, to have a return to the old times. I was starting to think it was not normal until I tripped over your blog, I guess we are not alone.
I am sure you are not a crap father just as I am not a crap father, I suppose it is all just part of being a man. Oh well, not for nothing just wanted you to know you are not alone.. We will have a return to those quiet times, it is just going to be in a few years time!
February 13th, 2007 at 3:30 am
Hi, I’m new here. I saw your blog over at Sushicam.
What a little cutie she is! IMO she looks wholly Asian now although she’ll probably change in time.
I’m sure you’re a good father, if you weren’t you wouldn’t be questioning it!
I have a 22 month old girl - I’m the gaijin here whereas my husband is Japanese.
Parenthood is hard, Mio’s hit the terrible twos and her tantrums are scary!
August 19th, 2007 at 9:16 pm
Your daughter is beautiful, congrats. my wife is also pregnant and we both live in the uk, although she is japanese and i am british, i am seriously considering relocating to japan: would you be kind enough to tell me if, in your experience, it is better to raise kids in japan or in the west?
kind regards
darren