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Ten Things To Do in Japan

Visit an onsen or sento. Yes these are public baths and someone might see your little pecker but get over that hurdle and prepare for the best bathing experience of your life.

Do Not Touch My Testicles

Instead of saying “STOP THIS RIGHT NOW!” I recently found out that I am saying “(PLEASE DO NOT) stop this right now (I AM REALLY ENJOYING THIS)”

Aichi Expo

More scary was the robot “rapper” with helium-laced Japanese voice. Not being able to understand whether he was saying “I`m the coolest damn robot there ever may be - wiggity wiggity.” or “Bow down to me now foolish mortal humans else feel the heat of my ray gun.” leant a certain menace to the otherwise innocuous proceedings. This we shall see is the one worrying trend when confronted with robots at the the Expo.

Things I`d Miss If I Went Home

Salarymen picking up old newspapers out of bins like tramps searching for food, Salarymen reading pornography on the train ride home. The annoying buzz of cicada waking me up on a scorching hot day. The long hot seasons.

Found in an English textbook

Found in an English textbook II

Sink Tales

I was waiting for a space at the urinal when a large fan next to me said “Use the sink!” This wasn`t so much an idea proposal as in, “Why don`t you use the sink?” but a command whose refusal would be punished with instant death.

Dealing with the determined English speaker seeker

I was nervous because I had been unwittingly led down into a distant place where no one except him and I knew where I was. Of course he only wanted to practice every single English conversation topic he had ever learned rather than penetrate me painfully via a rear orifice.

A Right Wing hate spreader analysed

The ill-fitting purple jacket, tie, white gloves and ginger(?) hair tint. This picture (unfortunately?) hides his near-waist length pony tail. This man has worse dress sense than I do.

Richard Gere Japanese PM

I sincerely hope Richard Gere, leader of the LDP, enjoys another term as Prime Minster of Japan.

Tags: Japan, Osaka, Asia, Quaisi, Kansai, Expat, English, 2005