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Because it’s been a long time since I’ve posted any Engrish. And it’s always nice to know what to do when you want to go on a rout of something.

A Happy New Year to all Undercover in Japan readers! I hope you have a great one.

I`m getting married (again) in September and we went to Kobe to iron out some of the details of what colour we wanted certain things, what shape other things should be until we found ourselves FOUR HOURS LATER in a twitching frenzy discussing what scented bleach we wanted the toilets cleaned with and and how many molecules of oxygen to hydrogen we wanted in the water.

We got to the photo albums and which one we`d like. The lady seemed shocked that I didn`t want the one with the English texts scrawled across it. I told her I didn`t want it as it didn`t make sense grammatically and there were words mispelled in it.

It went something like “Tow hearrs beating as one in threre chamber”

I then thought it would be a good idea if you set up a company whose pitch was to act as a consultant for when people write nonsensical sentences on shop windows, t-shirts and scrawled across overpriced photo albums.

All they`d have to do is phone or email in the sentence and credit card details and for a small fee, I`d read the text ask them if they`re sure they truly want what it said scrawled on top and pocket the cash.

For those who think I`m being snobby or acting the know-it-all gaijin role, I `d employ Asians as consultants before Westerners decide to etch permanently motifs for Chinese gibberish instead of “honour” or “strength”

I don`t think this is a new idea as I think I saw it in Mutant Frog. But it`s a pretty good idea for a business.

As a fading linguist I`ve got a soft spot for Engrish.

This was found in a pet shop. Thanks to Danakochan who translated this as, “Please dont touch the dog or cat if unaccompanied?”

I`ve been writing about what a bad week I`ve had so far but it hasn`t all been bad. The kid has started kicking inside Reiko. There`s some strong kicks he`s been letting loose which have brightened up our evenings considerably. And then there`s the advert for the intriguingly named Cafe Doggie Kiss I spotted on the bus.

So the world isn`t all bad I guess.

Tags: Japan, Osaka, Asia, Quaisi, Kansai, Expat, English, Cafe, Dog

This was found on the tram in Hong Kong and was another shock for me after Japan. Also bewildering were the peanut shells tossed nonchalantly on the floor in the pubs in Hong Kong.

A friend who lived in Mexico said they allow it there as the more shells there are on the floor, the more popular the pub is seen to be. I`m glad nobody spat whilst I was on the tram.

Tags: Japan, Osaka, Asia, Quaisi, Kansai, Expat, English, Spitting

It`s ok. I don`t smork.

Tags: Japan, Osaka, Asia, Quaisi, Kansai, Expat, English, Engrish

An Englishman in Osaka has some hilarious Japan related t-shirts for sale at www.spreadshirt.com including
english teecher four hire and regarding the Japanese obsession with knowing your blood type (anyone know mine?) there is the my blood type? Red and runny one as well. Please take a look and/or buy one

No I`m not on any commission.

Tags: Japan, Osaka, Asia, Quaisi, Kansai, Expat, English, Funny, T-shirt

Some Engrish found on a calendar used in our toilet. Yesterday`s shopping jaunt to Namba brought up tonnes of interesting Engrish - whether spotted on discounted t-shirts or being displayed on the frantic shopping hordes. Of course those wishing to make fun of the Japanese wayward use of English may like to see what Einstein wants to know

Tags: Japan, Osaka, Asia, Quaisi, Kansai, Expat, English, Engrish

Found next to the Living To Fuku (pronounced Fookoo) sign.

Technorati Tags: Japan, Osaka, Asia, Quaisi, Kansai, Expat, Engrish