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On Sunday whilst going for a spot of naked public bathing in the local onsen we saw a large minibus outside the front entrance. Just then an incredibly famous Japanese man walked out of the door and we realised the minibus was for him and he was doing a television programme. He saw us and thinking we (and I) were devoted fans, waved at us.

This man is a multi millionaire with a massive house in Monaco and also in my humble (and biased against all millionaires) opinion an idiot. He made his money by teaching people how to walk yet he is no miracle worker or doctor but a (very rich) man who teaches braindead models how to strut their stuff on the catwalk.

When I visit the schools the younger children upon seeing me will do a double take and their faces will explode into a puzzled frown or an expression of delight similar to if I saw David Beckham. A deft “Hello” can cause them to scream out with happiness and laughter. Of course if this was happening to me with nubile 16 year old girls wanting to be taken back to my pad in Monaco instead of rightly innocent seven year olds it would be preferable. I have achieved a glimpse of celebritydom in the schools I go to and it`s fun. I just need the celebrity lifestyle (complete with financial backing) to complete it.