A tortuous ordeal I dread in Japan is fetching magazines for Reiko.

Reiko likes to read gossip magazines and having lived in England enjoys reading HEAT magazine – a magazine devoid of interest and complete with bubble brained celebrities and wannabes.

She set up a subscription through the local HMV and as she is confined mostly to the house thanks to the baby, it is up to me to pick them up.

Reiko told me what to say, “Reiko S___ no Heat Magazine” (Reiko S`s HEAT magazine) I`ve seen her do this when I`m there and in an act of simplicity, the assistant turns to the draw behind her and fishes out the copies.

When I attempt this however, there`s a puzzled brow, a protracted search in the computer (searching for escaped mental convicts/illegal immigrants perhaps?) to an apology that they don`t have it.

Then the ritual continues that I take them over to where the magazines can be bought and point to where the copies are stashed away from my prying gajin eyes.

A dawn of understanding rises over the young Padowan`s eyes and she reveals the hidden treasures.

Usually there is a picture of a semi clothed Jordan or other bimbo and the Padowan thinks I`ve ordered some sort of international wank mag and accepts my cash with a frown on her face.

Then I leave the store in shame to give the bounty to my wife who can learn what Andy thinks of Jeff and read of the lifestyles of the rich and vacuous. All worth it in the end.