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I got a strange phonecall from a Matt who is a teacher with the same ALT (assistant language teacher) agency as me last night asking if I would work one evening tomorrow as a kindergarten English teacher for him as he couldn`t make it and the lady was desperate. I am also desperate for work, experience to put on my c.v. and money and so readily agreed. As long as I don`t have to sing anything I`ll be alright….

1 little, 2 little, 3 little indians. 4 little 5 little six little indians….

I went to the school one hour early for a quick introduction and some sort of guidance regarding lesson plans. When the first group of two 5 year olds came in I had to play lego and apologise for not being Matt. As well as that I had to ask them questions like their name and what colour the lego was etc. Of course the sight of a tall Englishman to a five year old is very scary and so they answered only minimally with okay and instead built walls with lego with their backs to me.

After that we played with a fluffy dice. Of course this is much more fun for me and therefore for them as well. “No you can`t have this dice. Leave me alone it`s mine. I`m going to throw it. You can go home. Goodbye.” I could quite happily play with fluffy dice and balls all day long. This attitude made them warm to me. They didn`t realise that I was serious. Well a bit anyway. After that it was the indian songs. I didn`t know the words (10 duh duh duh duh duh duh duh), some of the alphabet, story time “Bald Eagle Bald eagle what do you see?” and time with their mothers.

Their grasp of English was incredible. These kids were five and they could identify and name in English many colours, commands, names and objects with an ease that I could never have mustered in a foreign language at their age. It makes me angry that in England we don`t learn languages until twelve and these children could speak better English at five than my French at 14.

The second lesson was reading practice with a 9 year old. This was an hour of hell. He didn`t enjoy it. He barely talked to me and read words only after I read them for him. In between the silence and his uneasy groaning, he would make bizarre sucking noises through his teeth.

The third lesson was a repeat of the first with two new children who may have been sisters. When one of them learned I wasn`t Matt she burst out crying and the intro part with the lego went badly again but the dice game went really well “I told the others this is my bloody dice.” and after that they were really lovely children.

The owner of the school, which was so small I passed it once on the way there without noticing was frosty with me to start off with but at the end she was happier. I had to do a recording on a machine for the teacher to use at the next lesson - more indian songs and Do you like wasabi? I like wasabi. But she was happy enough to offer me another day`s work in January next year so I am really happy as well.