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Today I taught five year olds at an English school that foolishly decides to let me near their kids. This is the school of, “Americans say carfee not coffee”and instructed me to pronouce and teach a e i o u (as in ant, elephant, igloo, orange, umbrella) as e e i u u (ent, elephant, igloo, urange, up) because, “that`s how Americans say it.”

Of course any American surely, from the southernmost redneck to the latte-sipping suburbanite, is able to correctly pronounce a e i o u as ant, elephant, igloo, orange and up instead of ent, elephant, igloo, urange and up? Aren`t they?

I naturally succumbed to their insidiuos interepretations of the English language because I want to work there full or part time instead of as a substitute teacher. Though I have beliefs, I am not quite yet ready to die (or lose a well paying relatively easy job) for them. Does that make me a bad person?