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At the start of work I needed to have a large shit but I was at a school but the only toilets they have there are of the sit and squat variety pictured below and whch I have mentioned before. I have managed (miraculously it may be said) to go six months without using one of these and today was a very close call. Do not let it said that I do not have the guts to go in one those as I have used the toilets at Glastonbury with full abandon. That however is a rock festival and this is the real life. I do not want to assume the take off stance and with full force expel large quantities of my own faeces into my underwear. It was a close call whether I would use one or not but I would rather suffer three hours of anal agony than walk around the whole morning with a large quantity of manure in my trousers. I am sorry that is just the way I am.

At the moment I`m sitting in front of the computer eating my way through a large bag of delicious freshly picked oranges we bought at a local farm near our house. It was basically a shed near a busy road manned only by an incredibly old woman in a chair with a towel and gloves to keep warm. We could have just nicked them all and run off. What could she do? She loked like she could barely walk let alone run after us. Unless she had a rifle underneath her towel (which on reflection was quite possible) we could have been fugitives from the law. However I would never have got away with it. If she described the main anatagonist to the police as a tall, young looking western boy there aren`t that many in this small corner of Osaka and I am sure they would be at the door within fifteen minutes and arranging my deportation within another twenty. We just paid for them and ate them.. They are delicious.

My favourite Japanese word of the moment is zan nen. This means denied. For example, “There is no furikake on my rice. Zan nen. The trafic light has gone red. Zan nen. This piece of sushi gave me food poisoning. Zan nen.” Etc Etc. Use it today.

I`ve just taken a phone call from some random Japanese person. Unfortunately I think the phone is breaking and it was a very faint connection. I couldn`t hear anything so I kept on saying, “Moshee moshee” which means hello whilst on the phone. Eventually I started to hear her very faintly and I tried to say, “I cannot hear you your voice is very quiet” in Japanese. I had learned some verbs today including to listen but not hear so what came out was me blaring at the receiver, “I am not listening. You are very small. I am not listening. You are very small.” She said something which may have been a resignation of defeat or an oath to track me down and scalp me but she is gone nonetheless. Zan nen.